The Ultimate Guide to Supporting your Neurodivergent Colleague
If your colleague (or even maybe employee) has told you that they’re neurodivergent, here are some ways to support them in the workplace.
Do some research.
If someone discloses to you that they are neurodivergent, it’s tempting to ask them a lot of questions. Although curiosity is often a sign of wanting to help, however, sometimes it can be more thoughtful to firstly conduct your own background research, in order to understand some of the challenges your colleague may be facing at work.
Why is this?
Sometimes, it can be tiring for neurodivergent people to explain themselves to others.
Since we live in a world that is not built for neurodivergent people in mind, we often have to describe our experiences and translate ourselves in order for neurotypical people to understand us. This can be draining, especially when speaking to colleagues we may not know too well, yet.
My top tip is to consult online resources from organisations, whose primary focus is the diagnosis you’re trying to learn about, eg. The National Autistic Society (https://www.autism.org.uk/) or the ADHD Association https://adhd.dk/english/.
These resources often go more in-depth than others, and are authored by professionals (psychologists, psychiatrists ect.) who have specialised in that specific diagnosis or neuro-developmental condition..
…But take your research with a grain of salt.
The research on neurodivergent conditions is constantly developing. Although two people may share a diagnosis on paper, they are extremely likely to have completely different strengths and challenges. The saying goes:
“If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.”
Factors such as socio- cultural upbringing and gender play a significant role in how disability is experienced.
A notable example of this is autistic women. Many autistic women (especially those who are late-diagnosed) tend to “mask” or “camouflage” their autistic behaviours, in order to assimilate or fit into social environments. The diagnostic criteria for autism has been moulded on how the condition manifests in boys and men. Subsequently, educational resources about autism have historically failed to explain and represent the unique experiences of autistic women (up until recently).
Therefore, conducting your own background research is important, but avoid making broad assumptions about the experience of your colleague solely based online resources (like this one!)
Breaking the Ice: how to offer your support to your neurodivergent colleague
In my experience, if your colleague has mentioned that they’re neurodivergent, it means that:
A) they’re comfortable sharing this information with you.
B) they think it’s relevant for you to know when working together.
Asking about someone’s disability can be tricky and uncomfortable. But in essence, being neurodivergent is merely another way of experiencing the world. There is nothing inherently wrong with the person, and by offering support, you’re acknowledging this.
Here are some sentences that you could use to help break the ice.
You could ask something like…
“Hey, I remember you mentioned the other day that you had dyslexia. I was wondering if there was anything I could do to help you at work?”
“Thank you for telling me that you had ADHD! I was wondering if there anything specific I should know about that would help you at work?”
“I really appreciate you sharing about your recent autism diagnosis! I was wondering if you need anything from me, or if you needed help getting workplace accommodations? I know the woman in HR, I could introduce you if you like!”
Working directly with neurodivergent people: how to support
Many neurodivergent people struggle with executive functioning .
Executive functioning skills are responsible for “thought-organisation”, carrying out an action, and setting concrete goals. If your neurodivergent colleague is struggling here, it may look like poor time-management (or “time-blindness”), finding it hard to prioritise tasks, struggling to switch between tasks or maintaining a schedule.
Some neurodivergent people know that this is something they need help with, so may ask you directly themselves.
However, a lot of neurodivergent people (especially those who are late-diagnosed) may find it difficult to put into words exactly it is they need support with, so it may be helpful to them if you give them some options.
You could ask…
Do you need help creating an overview on this project?”
“Can we body double* for the next hour before lunch?” (Body doubling= working alongside one another, which can help some feel more motivated and focused on a task. Neurotypicals, this one is also for you!).
“Should each of us go through our schedules for today?”
Neurodivergent overstimulation at work
Neurodivergent brains (especially autistic and ADHD ones) are more sensitive to external stimuli (noise, smell, light and texture). Working in an office with people talking around their desk, or trying to concentrate on a conversation over lunch in a busy canteen can be extremely stressful. When overstimulated, some neurodivergent people may go extremely quiet, find it harder to maintain eye contact or generally “check out” from their surroundings (this often referred to as “shutting down”).
It may be difficult for your colleague to either mention that they’re overstimulated or know themselves that their environment is negatively affecting them (this is called interoception awareness).
So, if you sense that your neurodivergent colleague is overstimulated, you can say…
“Hey, is the light a bit bright for you? I can turn it off.”
“Should we go to a quieter space to talk about the upcoming deadline?”
“Do you want to borrow my noise cancelling headphones ? They’re super effective.”
“Do you want to eat lunch in the office and not the canteen today?”
“Socialness” and neurodivergence: some things to look out for
We all know that going to work is not just about the tasks at hand, but also involves the social. Ah, socialising in the workplace! Small talk at the coffee machine! Awkward chats with your boss over lunch! Absolute bliss.
Again, neurodivergent people are extremely different. Some thrive in social workplace environments, and others may want to stick to their work. Here are some things to look out for.
Eye contact.
Autistic people may not look you in the eyes (or only for a short period of time) when they’re speaking to you. For a lot of autistic people, maintaining eye contact can be really uncomfortable.
Don’t take this as a sign of disinterest, they may stim (self-soothing repetitive behaviours) whilst in conversation as a way to concentrate. Focus less on what they’re doing and more on what they’re saying. It may make them feel more comfortable if you’re doing something at the same time, for example, knitting, organising paperwork, whilst you’re talking to them.
Special Interests.
A lot of neurodivergent people (especially autistics and ADHDers) have an in-depth interest.
I’m not just talking trains or mathematical equations (we need better autistic representation, I’m so tired), but it could be literally anything from the Titanic Sinking to Ritter Sport Flavours (that’s just me, I have a spreadsheet to prove it).
If you’re talking to a neurodivergent person and they start talking about a specific topic at length, it might be their special interest (especially if their eyes light up when talking about it).
In my experience, learning about someone’s special interests is a great way to bond and learn more about a person. If you’re seeking to get closer with your neurodivergent colleague, bring up how your hobbies and passions intersect with theirs. That’s a neurodivergent love language, right there.
Small talk.
The term “small talk” refers to the general, more surface-level conversations you may have at work with people that you don’t know that well.
Some neurodivergent people (especially autistics) may not immediately grasp that “small talk” is happening, they may change the subject to something more complex, philosophical or personal.
Some neurodivergents (especially late diagnosed) can “small talk”, since they have learnt that it’s part of the social game. They’ll bite the bullet and will probably hate every second of it. So, if you see your neurodivergent colleague looking away when office “small talk” is happening, or maybe just exiting the conversation entirely, just know that it’s not personal.
Mostly importantly: it’s little gestures that count
Neurodivergent people’s experiences in the workplace are extremely diverse, this is not a definitive list by any means. The best way to accommodate difference in any community (in the workplace, in the classroom), is to acknowledge it, ask into it and most importantly, support it.
Starting a dialogue with your colleague when you want to help can be extremely scary, since many people either don’t want to offend or don’t know the words when offering support.
It’s okay not to have all the words initially when you’re reaching out to help your colleague, sometimes the phrase:
"Hey, is this okay for you?”
is enough.
Being an ally to your neurodivergent colleague doesn’t need to involve radical demonstrations of activism. Just being there for them is the perfect start. And hey, the fact that you’ve reached the end of this article shows that you're on the right path.
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